Do you find this man attractive?
Please don't make love to the camera.Really? What about this man?
Please don't rape the camera.
If you find these men attractive, there's a good chance you're a hick.
Seriously. I've known several people who really have the hots for these two. Every one of them think both Bret Michaels and Vin Diesel are sexy. Every one of them is a major hick.
I find it hard to believe anyone finds them attractive. Looking at Bret Michaels' lined bug-eyes and inflated lips makes me queasy. Vin Diesel's waxed eyebrows and trying-too-hard physique make me lose faith in masculinity.
Maybe it wouldn't be so confusing if you strip away their careers... No, they're still gross.
That's probably part of the problem, anyway--hicks would think "Every Rose has its Thorn" and The Fast and the Furious are respectable contributions to society and culture.
Ew.
This information does come in handy, though. If there's anyone one you suspect might be a hick and you want to know for sure, ask that person what he/she thinks of Bret Michaels and Vin Diesel and their "bodies of work." Just be prepared to lose respect for that person... and maybe your appetite.
I catch myself almost falling for these two but then I remember that under the "headband" there are hair plugs (I'm okay with baldness, just accept it gracefully) and I read once that Vin Diesel used to play Dungeons and Dragons in a friend's basement (nothing wrong with that but it is just an odd thing for an "action star" to do). Do you not count Rock of Love as a good contribution!? Do you think they appeal to women of a certain age not just hicks in general or is it a universal kind of thing? Overall, I agree with your assessment and I would not want to be the camera person capturing those smoldering stares.
ReplyDeleteFirst, thanks for being the first to comment on my blog ever, and for not typing "FIRST!"
ReplyDeleteI agree that hairplugs are bad, and I even have a thing for bald guys. I didn't mention Rock of Love because, while I never enjoyed that show, I do have a deep and abiding love for Flava of Love and feel like a hypocrite if I bash any of its progeny too harshly.
Playing Dungeons and Dragons actually makes me dislike Vin Diesel less. But, I have a long held suspiscion about Vin: he's in the closet and a big ol' power bottom.
Maybe these two being dishonost about themselves adds to my dislike of them.
About them appealing to "women of a certain age," no I don't think that. Most of the women I've seen go ga-ga over these two are in their twenties, while one is in her early thirties.
I do think its a hick thing.
But every rose DOES have its thorn, except for the freaky mutated thornless roses. But that's splitting hair...plugs?
ReplyDeleteAnyway it's an apt metaphor to describe the inevitability of failed relationships, though I don't agree that every cowboy sings a sad, sad song. Some cowboys sing cheerful songs, about dogies getting along, although OH MY GOD I just looked up what a "dogie" is and it turns out it's a motherless calf!
I take it back, every cowboy song is sad and Bret may be a genius.